2020 fostered a new love so precious to me. Because of that, I don’t know that I can totally hate the year with everyone.
New love
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How do I love Mike so much when I love Scott?
An honest, fair and natural question. One that I’ve asked myself many times. A human experience that I prayed to have the words to explain. I am ready to try now…
Consider the many people in your own life whom you love.
Perhaps, you are a parent. Perhaps you have two, three…eight children. When you had your first child, did you not think, “How could I possibly love another human as much as this one?”
Then your second child comes, and you experience a true example of how the heart expands.
Perhaps you have brothers and sisters, and you tragically lost one. Would spending time with another sibling then be a betrayal?
Would your living sibling be more loved or less loved than your deceased sibling? Or…
Is it just beautifully different all together?
Incomparable. Tailored to the individual.
I grieved the loss of Scott and our future together, which you’ve read parts of.
Later in private, I would grieve the inability to give Mike the young, innocent me, someone who didn’t come with PTSD and a grief blog.
I know that it’s messy. It’s difficult to understand. It doesn’t fit in the framework of our minds.
But you know what else doesn’t fit in the framework of our minds? Literally anything else that fills us with wonder.
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Things like… The universe.. and…God…
Some see love as a one size fits all commodity, found on the shelves of Walmart; A coveted Tickle Me Elmo on Black Friday that if you don’t get it while supplies last, then you are left without and wanting.
God wants you to know that…
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Love is not a limited resource.
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It is not material.
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It is infinite.
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It is expansive.
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There’s no two loves alike.
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It’s a galaxy within galaxies.
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The act of loving exponentially creates more of it.
So…
To say that a #widow can’t love again, strips it of its wonder, places it in a Tyco box, and (worst of all) puts limitations on God
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Had I carried this limiting belief that love wasn’t possible for me again, I wouldn’t be able to say that 2020 just wasn’t so bad. My kids and I wouldn’t get to experience this man, his son, and family and the beauty of falling love. God is good.
If you feel so compelled, share this with someone who needs it.
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Happy New Years, friends
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Big love, Megan
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Might As Well Live 