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My February “To Do” List Challenge!

January was hard.

As many of you who follow me on social media know, I had some serious personal matters going on this last month (really for years leading up to this last month). On top of that, I live here in Michigan, and we are just getting through with a polar vortex (which sounds like something from a sci-fi film, but I assure you. It’s real.. very, very real). I was literally sequestered to my home with my three kids for five days straight. Three kids. One dog. No husband. A plethora of mental health struggles. It was not an enjoyable combination to say the least.

While I was trapped in my home and dreaming of the smell of salt water, I did absolutely nothing. My home became a frat house. My bills piled up. I would write out extensive ‘to do’ lists, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. This, along with the combination of just sheer boredom, led me to a thought: What would happen if I followed my ‘to do’ list every day for 28 days (i.e. the month of February)?

One of my three maniacs (Note: The Christmas tree that stayed up until the 2nd week of January.)

Considering this, I could tell you right off the bat that if I force myself to follow through with my ‘to do’ lists every day, then I probably would be a lot more considerate of what I put on there. Often (every time), I write a list of things to do for the day, and I write literally every single thing that I can think of that needs to be done. In the process, I overwhelm myself so much that I am discouraged by the time I’m done writing. What would happen if I gave serious thought to doing a few things every day and then held my accountable with the follow through?

I’m not sure, but I’m going to try. And I would LOVE for you to join me, while I figure it out as I go.

I came up with some rules to start with. Please notice Rule #6 : “Adjust as needed”. This also pertains to the rules themselves. This is an experiment, and I am no scientist, so as I find something isn’t working for me, I will adjust or perhaps, add more. The goal isn’t perfection though. The goal is productivity and to enjoy the process along the way.

*Subject to change

Just to be clear: This is NOT going to pertain to my real estate business. I have my own blocks of time for work, and my ‘to do’ lists within that. These are for personal tasks only. If you are someone who works 9-5p, I wouldn’t expect you to write “Go to work” on your to do list, so I will not count anything real estate related; If you’re a business owner, working from home, or running your own direct sales business, then work-related tasks don’t count for this. If you’d like to challenge me to do something similar pertaining to business and working from home, I can certainly do that another month. February’s challenge is for personal tasks only.

Planner is by Day Designer found on Amazon (*not an ad)

Ok, so that’s a start for us. Throughout the month, I will record or write about how I’m doing. I will also spend the next week breaking down how I came up with my rules. If you’d like to check in with me and see how I’m doing, go for it! If you’d like me to message you and hold you accountable, I’m more than happy to do that as well. It should be interesting to see how we feel at the end of the month. Hopefully, it will leave us feeling great going into March.

In the meantime, I wish you all a happy and productive February!

Big love,

Meg

****Join me on my Journey on Social Media****

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Also, Find my work on Love What Matters: Megan Bajorek

Smoking is a Symptom of Mindset: My Quitting Story

It was a not-so-secret, secret.

I tried hiding it in photos, but it’d show up here and there.

If you asked me then, I would tell you that I wasn’t a smoker.

I’d say it was only when I drank.

I’d say it was only because I worked in the service industry.

I’d point out that at least I didn’t smoke while I was pregnant.

At least it was not in front of the kids.

I’m probably going to die from cancer anyways.

“I like smoking. I enjoy it.”

“I can quit any time.”

And I sort of did quit after my son was born in 2014, but if I drank, one would soon find me outside, socializing the smoker’s circle.

Then, tragedy hit my life in a way that no one could’ve foreseen. It still takes my breath away to stop and think about it. Within hours, I had a Marlboro Light in between my fingers. I didn’t even try to hide it. Parents. Kids. Whatever. No disappointment or disdain from the outside could ever come close to the anguish I felt. I hurt so deeply that I yearned to be in control of that pain.

Smoking was a symptom of this mindset.

It was a killing of myself with the slow death of tobacco. The bottom fell out of my life, I had been repeatedly forced into silence over it, and I couldn’t get angry. I subconsciously hoped that the tobacco smoke could reach through the rabbit hole, prod my anger, and awaken the rage I needed to speak on my behalf. In time, it mellowed and evolved to where nicotine just became part of my daily routine. For three years, cigarettes were alongside my multivitamin and my morning coffee.

On August 30, 2021, I will be two years cigarette free. Cold turkey.

Addiction is insidious. And I’ve learned so much about its nature and myself from quitting.

What I’ve learned is that when we are addicted to something, quitting has to be our complete priority. I didn’t do anything for the first two weeks that I decided to quit (and I mean: not a thing) because I had to be hyper focused on managing my reactions and my discomfort.

I started to feel real emotions that I hadn’t felt since I was a teenager, likely because I wasn’t smoking back then. These emotions needed to be cared for in other ways. Had quitting not been my top priority, had I been busy, I would’ve got distracted and fell back into the old habits, using one of my many ways to justify it. (My favorite one being: So what if I smoke? I’m a good person. — A phrase that I loathe.)

I know that this whole thing may seem like a self serving pat on the back, and yeah, I suppose I do want to give myself a shout outdoor waking up from denial and taking the time and energy to do this.

But I also write this to throw myself to the wolves. Feeling very exposed and nervous in revealing such an ugly part of me. But it’s there… and I want to help you if you feel the ugly parts of you have too much control.

August 30, 2019 to present day have not been a walk in the park. Aside from 2020, there were several outside events that stopped me in my tracks; like you, the stresses that I’ve been met with in my life are way more than what’s posted on social media. Nearly immediately after I decided to quit smoking, I was met with an extreme, life changing occurrence. A stress that I never imagined for myself. And in the weak and quiet moments of the evening, while I was alone, I could hear the devil on my shoulder whisper, “You deserve a smoke. Just one pack to keep on the fridge like Grandma did.”

I was a lie though.

I didn’t deserve to kill myself slowly. None of us do. We deserve vitality. We deserve clean lungs and proof to ourself that our minds are stronger than the demons rooting for us to lead with reckless ugliness.

Most importantly, we deserve to feel our emotions. Not to numb or distract ourself. We deserve to process feelings and memories, and personally, two years out, I can say I’ve never looked back.

Whatever you are struggling with right now (and I know there’s something because there always is in life), please know that to know me, is to have me in your corner. You got this.

Big love,

Megan

25 Famous People who Battled with Learning in School

➡️ Steven Spielberg was 2 grades behind his peers. Some of his administrators called him lazy.

➡️ Pulitzer Prize-winning author and poet, Phillip Schultz, did not learn to read until he was 11 years old.

➡️ John Irving, author of Cider House Rules, which was later adapted into a movie, was dyslexic and in the remedial spelling group.

➡️ Science journalist, Garrett Cook, a Pulitzer Prize winner, cannot write by hand nor read aloud.

➡️ Ben Carson, a neurosurgeon, presidential candidate, and U. S. Secretary of Housing and Urban development was considered the “dumbest” kid in his 5th grade class.

➡️ Helen Taussig, a leading pediatric cardiologist of the 21st century, was considered “mentally retarded” by some of her teachers.

➡️ Channing Tatum was in special education.

➡️ Diane Swonk, an economic advisor on the Federal Reserve board, does not know left from right, couldn’t memorize her times tables, add a column of numbers, or read a speech.

➡️ Charles Schwabb the CEO of the the largest brokerage firm in the U. S. flunked English twice and was dyslexic.

➡️ Shark Tank’s Barbara Corcoran graduated high school with a D average.

➡️ Billionaire Richard Branson was called stupid and lazy all of his life.

➡️ Olympic swimmer, Michael Phelps, lives with ADHD and was told he’d never be successful.

➡️ Vince Vaughn had learning disabilities throughout school and was in special education classes.

➡️ Screenwriter, inventor, professor, and one of Time Magazines 100 Most Influential people, Temple Grandin, has autism.

➡️ Robert Toth, a Smithsonian artist, failed 4th grade three times and didn’t learn to read until he was 12.

➡️ Tommy Hilfiger struggled with reading and writing in school.

➡️ Public motivational speaker and radio host, Les Brown, was called the “dumb twin” and deemed “uneducable” and “mentally retarded”.

➡️ Bram Cohen, founder of groundbreaking data sharing network: BitTorrent, has Asperger’s.

➡️ David Neeleman, founder of JetBlue, has ADD and could not pass standardized testing in school.

➡️ Shark Tank’s Daymond John has dyslexia.

➡️ PGA Champion Golfer, John E. Morgan was bullied throughout his school age for his learning disabilities.

➡️ The CEO of the Cleveland Clinic had learning troubles in school.

➡️ David Goggins, ultra marathon runner and the only member of the U.S. armed forces ever to complete training as a Navy SEAL, Army Ranger and Air Force Tactical Air Controller, could barely read as a teenager.

➡️ The first athlete ever to win perfect 10s in a World Championship, 4 time gold medalist, Greg Louganis, was in special education.

➡️ Steve Jobs was dyslexic and dropped out of college.

What do these facts say to you?

💥 There is no mystery person without issues who’s better than you. The person you think of right now who seems to have it all, does not.
💥 Stop comparing your beginning to someone else’s peak! You have no idea of their battles.
💥Life is not “me versus them”. It is “us vs the struggles”
💥 Do not ever let a single person, group, or system define you.
💥The world is designed to beat you into submission, forcing a resignation from you.

Don’t do it! Fight! ⚔️

You are capable of greatness. You bring value to this world as you are. Right now. Completely perfect.

I believe in you.
Go get it 😉

#youregoingtostruggleanyways #mightaswelllive

What I Wish I Would’ve Known When 1st Becoming Widowed…

To the girl who was married at 22 and widowed at 31:

I forgive you.

◾️Strangers will seek you out. Some of them will cling to you, asking you not leave them lonely. They will want you to sit in misery with them because “now you understand that life isn’t fair”, like they’ve always “known”.

◾️Some of those closest to you will either turn their backs because their own pain is too hard to manage, or they will project their own hopelessness onto you.

“How will you ever get through this?”

“You will never have love like that again”

◾️Others will prey on you and your trusting, naive heart. 🚬

▫️Some… will stay. And they will show you more kindness than you’ve ever known. A type of giving that’s so beyond abundant… You HAVE to thank God.

And you will. Every day. After every beat down. Again and again. You will get up & choose hope, trust, and gratitude.

To the girl who married her 1st boyfriend & lost him over the phone, the one who had entire years of memories blown from her brain, has PTSD flashbacks; the one who went through an excruciating court case that physically aged her in a week’s time… the one who was verbally and physically abused by lovers; the one who went through the sickness of her children, alone, medical procedures, alone, the death of 3 grandparents and a close friend, alone…

I wish you knew that everything that you ever needed was in you, not other’s words, not in accolades or alcohol. You. 💥

For what it’s worth though, I forgive you.

And I love you 💕

Photo credit: c.2017 Six months in, wondering if it’s ok to dress sexy. I now know that there’s a time & a place for how we dress; that time is whenever and that place is wherever. I pay my bills. I manage my pain. I tuck my kids in bed at night. I cringe at this photo, but if you’re widowed (and still reading 😆) My hope is you give yourself permission to do what you want & not what you think you should be doing. No one should ever have to relinquish hope, lay down, & wait to die. You’re going to grieve anyways, so you might as well do it your way. 🌅🧡

I’m starting a podcast this year!

What should I talk about? Interview? I also need a name! Comment or DM me your questions/thoughts! 🎙🥰

Why a Widow Should Love Again…

2020 fostered a new love so precious to me. Because of that, I don’t know that I can totally hate the year with everyone. 

New love

🌱

How do I love Mike so much when I love Scott?

An honest, fair and natural question. One that I’ve asked myself many times. A human experience that I prayed to have the words to explain. I am ready to try now…

Consider the many people in your own life whom you love.

Perhaps, you are a parent. Perhaps you have two, three…eight children. When you had your first child, did you not think, “How could I possibly love another human as much as this one?”

Then your second child comes, and you experience a true example of how the heart expands.

Perhaps you have brothers and sisters, and you tragically lost one. Would spending time with another sibling then be a betrayal?  

Would your living sibling be more loved or less loved than your deceased sibling? Or…

Is it just beautifully different all together?

Incomparable. Tailored to the individual. 

I grieved the loss of Scott and our future together, which you’ve read parts of. 

Later in private, I would grieve the inability to give Mike the young, innocent me, someone who didn’t come with PTSD and a grief blog. 

I know that it’s messy. It’s difficult to understand. It doesn’t fit in the framework of our minds.

But you know what else doesn’t fit in the framework of our minds? Literally anything else that fills us with wonder.

Things like… The universe.. and…God… 

Some see love as a one size fits all commodity, found on the shelves of Walmart; A coveted Tickle Me Elmo on Black Friday that if you don’t get it while supplies last, then you are left without and wanting. 

God wants you to know that…

Love is not a limited resource.

It is not material.

It is infinite.

It is expansive.

There’s no two loves alike.

It’s a galaxy within galaxies.

The act of loving exponentially creates more of it. 

So… 

To say that a #widow can’t love again, strips it of its wonder, places it in a Tyco box, and (worst of all) puts limitations on God

💜

Had I carried this limiting belief that love wasn’t possible for me again, I wouldn’t be able to say that 2020 just wasn’t so bad. My kids and I wouldn’t get to experience this man, his son, and family and the beauty of falling love. God is good.  

If you feel so compelled, share this with someone who needs it.

🙏🏻

Happy New Years, friends

🌌

Big love, Megan

♥️

February “To Do” List Challenge – Week 3 Recap

Some times “Family Time” is your “To Do” …

As the snow days accumulate, kids stay home from school, I continue to fall behind in my main job of realty. Being a solo parent is no joke, and trying to maintain a business while writing and taking care of kids is stressful. It just is, and I can’t even pretend that it’s not in the slightest.

I was at my wit’s end trying to keep up with myself in Week 2 of the February “To Do” List Challenge, going into Week 3. When I said, “I give up.”

Jax’s post hockey meal of noodles.

But it wasn’t the challenge that I was giving up. Nope. I was just giving up control or any delusion of control. I literally threw my hands in the air and asked God to take over because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t for the life of me feel accomplished with anything. Spread so thin, I asked God to just handle it, while I chill.

And in doing that, I got the most amazing time with my family and friends. Some times, we get so hyper focused on goals, career, projects, having a perfect home… that we forget WHY we want all of that in the first place… To share the joy of it with others.

Today, I am so grateful for the time I was able to spend at my son’s hockey, with my 3 month old nephew, and with dear friends laughing until my stomach hurt. I was so caught up in being a bread winner that I forgot to stop and enjoy my reason why.

Has this ever happened to you? When’s the last time you had a girl’s night or just held a baby for hours in silence? Both are so amazing for the soul.

Highly recommended.

Big love,

Meg

****Join me on my Journey on Social Media****

Facebook: www.facebook.com/liveforthereunion 

Instagram: @liveforthereunion

Also, Find my work on Love What Matters: Megan Bajorek

My February “To Do” List Challenge – Week 2 Recap

Between running my real estate business, writing, blogging, and taking care of the kids, I’ve been majorly tired at the end of the day. So forgive me for just now giving you an update. Here goes though…

Phew.

Flowers for my birthday – thanks to my kids and parents.

Week 2 is done.

I hope you all had a fun Valentine’s Day. I know that we did over here. We survived my birthday, four or so snow days, and Valentine’s Day in there too. I enjoyed using that holiday as an opportunity to tell my kids that I love them. (Yes, I do it year round too, but it’s still cute to make them feel a little extra special.) It’s definitely been a challenge to hold myself accountable this week, but I am please with my growth and how much I’m learning about myself!

What I’ve noticed is that my tendency during the day is to gravitate towards my meal prepping and eating plan. So I’ve been shaping ‘to do’ lists around that and just stripping it down so to speak. Many times, less is more – and focusing on one aspect of your life at a time is ok.

For those of you who don’t follow my personal page (Megan Bajorek), I am on a keto diet (Well, I’m on it during normal business hours… Weekends and evenings have been touch a go for a while.)

I actually lost 33 lbs doing this, and while I fell off the wagon for a period of time, I have been using this February ‘To Do’ List Challenge to help me get back on track with things like meal prepping (See left: baked cheese ‘chips’ to dip in guacamole) and even just drink my 64 oz of water. In Journalism, we learn KISS — Keep it Simple, Stupid. And that’s what I intend to do.

Other things that happened this week… I made the decision to go platinum. As in, I woke up on my birthday so depressed about the weather. It made me mad to think like this, and I said to myself: All I want today is bacon and blonde hair, and I’m going to make my dreams come true. I went out for breakfast with my mom (Bacon? Check!) Then, I drove to the hair salon, where I told my hairdresser, “Make me platinum.”

She didn’t blink twice, just recruited a partner, and got to work. (Blonde hair: Check! Check!) I will probably write more on this process next month after I go in for my second phase. For now, check out the progress that’s been made so far on the right.

What do you guys think? It’s something that I’ve always wanted to do but felt like: how dare I? Now, I’m like: why not?

How have you all been doing this month? Has it been fairly productive, despite the weather? Part of me thinks that we, as humans, were just not made to get things done in the Winter. The Winter is for hibernation…

I can get on board with that.

Big love,

Megan

****Join me on my Journey on Social Media****

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Instagram: @liveforthereunion

Also, Find my work on Love What Matters: Megan Bajorek

My February “To Do” List Challenge – Days 5 through 8

Week 1 is Complete!

Yes, after lots of agonizing and figuring out how I can manage this challenge, while juggling my growing career in real estate, my passion project in writing, and ensuring my three children are still fed and tended to, I think I’ve got it. Or rather, I’m getting it. Getting there.

Photo credit: Sophie, my 10 year old
  • Do not bite off more than you can chew
  • Save bigger lists for your days off
  • 1-2 items is a major accomplishment on a work day
  • utilize your lists to form habits that benefit an ultimate goal

Should I go day by day with you? Or just give you an overview? That’s always my question. For the sake of a quick read, I’ll do an overview. Plus, this challenge isn’t about the actual list. I couldn’t make that any more clear. Your list isn’t going to look like my list, and my list isn’t going to look like someone else’s; so to write about my actual tasks would not only be tedious, it would also put focus on the tasks themselves, when really we are trying focus on committing to our own word. That same word that we keep with everyone else–we are going to keep it with ourselves this month. Self care.

Moving on….

The week went a little like this:

My lists started off with four items. Four LARGE items. I stressed out in attempt to tackle these items every day – to the point where I was feeling like an absolute failure. And that’s just ridiculous! Listen, if you’re working, making a home, raising humans, or being a friend, then you’re leaving an imprint on this world, and you should NEVER feel bad because you can’t hold yourself to impossible personal standards.

I got tired. Tuesday was a pivotal day for me. (For some insight on this: View my video here. )

On Tuesday, I shaved my tasks down to three items. On a work day. And again, they were large items that would require a lot fo physical and/or mental energy. And I got mad at myself. And I learned.

In January, I wrote down and set personal as well as professional goals for myself. It occurred to me this Tuesday that I should probably utilize this challenge to perpetuate my progress toward these goals. Like, why haven’t I been doing this already? (A.D.D. much?) Every day, I will do a little something to inch towards these goals.

The key to achieving your goals is to form habits that support them, so then, it becomes second nature.

Notice how I specified “water” in parentheses, so as not to get confused and drink my ounces in vodka.

For the rest of the week (and from here on out, pending how it works), I will continue to make lists of three items, but two of those three items are going to go towards a habit that I want to form. “Drinking 64 oz of water daily” and “making my bed first thing in the morning” each have their own benefits for me personally. The third item will vary depending on the day, and there may be a fourth item on my days off. Other than that, I’m extremely comfortable with this, as it’s simple but still a challenge. Feel free to adopt my policy of building simple yet challenging habits.

You have that right.

Big love,

Meg

****Join me on my Journey on Social Media****

Facebook: www.facebook.com/liveforthereunion 

Instagram: @liveforthereunion

Also, Find my work on Love What Matters: Megan Bajorek

**ANNOUNCEMENT**

FB Live!

When: Tuesday, February 12th (my birthday!) at 9PM/EST

It’s my birthday! Stop by my Facebook (Live for the Reunion) and toast with me! I will be hosting an open discussion with you about grief, my personal journey, and challenges that I face as a solo parent of grieving children. There WILL be a Q&A this time.

(For a guaranteed answer to your questions, submit them via email to: megan@liveforthereunion.com by 4pm on 2/12 – otherwise, I’ll be happy to answer as we go 🙂 ) Can’t wait to see you all!

So Simple (but Fun) Snow Day Breakfast

Ingredients:

Eggy in a Basket

3 slices Bread 

3 tbsp. Butter

3 eggs 

Cookie cutter (or use a butter knife 😉 ) 

  1. Heat griddle to med-high heat
  2. Butter each slice of bread
  3. Use cookie cutter and stamp out the center of each slice of bread (*I used a snowflake this time, but typically I just use my butter knife to cut out a circle from the center.
  4. Place hollowed bread on hot griddle, alongside the centers themselves.
  5. Crack 1 egg into the center of each slice of bread.
  6. Cook for 1 minute.
  7. Spray Cooking Spray over the tops of your “Eggy in a Basket”s in progress ( You’re going to flip them in the next step, and do not want sticking)
  8. Flip.
  9. Cook for 1-1 1/2 minutes or until the bread is golden brown
  10. Enjoy!

*This is grilled cheese minus the cheese adding some artwork. 

**Works for scrambled eggs mix too. I do that for my son, but it’s not as pretty. Still tasty and loved though!

My February “To Do” List Challenge – Days 3 and 4

Super Bowl Sunday (or as it’s known in our house: Sunday)


Day 3 is done. (Day 4 is too, but for the sake of story-telling, we will stick with one day.)

There is something that feels self centered and slightly indulgent when I write out my “To Do” lists for all to read, as if anyone gives a crap. Yet, for the sake of accountability, here we go:

  • write out Thank You cards
  • visit with family after Jax’s hockey
  • fold 2 loads of laundry

I don’t see the need to make Sundays stressful. They’re a day of rest anyways. One of my priorities today was to watch Jaxson skate and then hang out with my family afterwards for a little bit. And the “thank you” cards and folding laundry are two items that can be done while watching the most overrated — I mean — the most televised program of the year.

The Super Bowl.

Speaking of Super Bowl, my oldest daughter, who is slightly a tomboy, asked who I was rooting for. You can imagine how deeply disappointed she was when I replied, “Uhh… I don’t even know who’s in it. I think maybe a patriot, right?”

Oozing with sarcasm, she said, “Well, there’s more than one Patriot, and yes, it’s the Patriots versus the LA Rams. Just remember: You’re cheering for the Rams. K?”

So I cheered for the Rams!

Kind of.

It was more like watch an incredibly boring game, while waiting for CBS to pan over to that babe of a coach, Sean McVay. The network really could’ve just played a little Genuine while McVay wiped sweat from his brow, and that would’ve been exponentially more exciting.

I digress.

The “To Do” List Challenge is already teaching me a lot about myself and how to be an adult. If you’re a type-A personality, super organized, and sharp with your time, this challenge is probably something you’re scratching your head at. For someone like myself though, I’ve struggled for years with maintaining focus and not getting overwhelmed.

I noticed another key with this challenge: Once your items are done on your list, do NOT add anything else. Give yourself the freedom to do whatever comes naturally from there. Maybe it’s straightening up the utility room, maybe it’s talking to a friend for an hour, maybe… you just want to stare at HGTV while drinking white wine… Whatever you do, once that list is complete, do not obligate yourself with more via list. Just do what you want.

It’s delightful.

Today’s list is complete as soon as I publish this bad boy.

  • call on health insurance inquiry
  • schedule carpet cleaners
  • car wash
  • blog post

Another day in the books.

Big love to you all,

Megan


****Join me on my Journey on Social Media****

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Also, Find my work on Love What Matters: Megan Bajorek

My February “To Do” List Challenge – Day 2

The Saturday of Struggle

Ok. Safe to say that I definitely have ADD or ADHD or whatever it’s called these days. I have it. It runs in the family. I’ve never been tested, but oh my goodness, it took everything in me to focus my energy on this today. I would have given up if it weren’t for the decision to hold myself accountable on here. ( More on distraction and it’s role later. )

Reminder of what my list was for today:

  • Go over the bills and finances
  • Try a new recipe for dinner
  • Clean the first floor of my house

This last item was a horrible one to put on my “To Do” list, and I’m going to tell you why…

  • I hate cleaning. –(Ok, that isn’t a fair reason, but I needed to say it. I’ll proceed.)
  • To clean the entire first floor of the home is an extremely time consuming task.
  • There were way too many distractions on which to hyperfocus (I didn’t spend 30 minutes detail scrubbing my shower door or anything.)

Yes, I’m not going to pretend that I’m a super tidy person. I’m hygienic and extremely organized within my business and when working, but at home, no. And while it once was a huge source of shame for me (To understand more on this, check out my piece on Love What Matters here), these days I know that it’s something minor to improve on. I like having a clean house. I don’t like to be the person to do it. *sigh* Whatya gonna do?

So when I decided that cleaning the entire first floor of my home was one of my priorities for Saturday, I woke up knowing it’d be a bear, but I had to keep going because I promised myself that I would, and I asked you all to hold me accountable. Good morning, terrifying world…Here goes…

I’ll spare you the details of everything that I cleaned, but I started in my master bathroom. Bad idea. (*Confession: I did, in fact, take 30 minutes to clean one side of the shower door.) Then, I made my way to my bedroom, where I adopted the bright idea to straighten up the closet “real quick” (after having spent an hour and a half on the master bathroom)… please view the results of that below.

Cleaning my closet is a 2-hour personal fashion show slash trip down memory lane. Am I the only one?

If you are playing along and doing the math with me, yes. Yes, at this point, I have spent three and a half hours on a bathroom and partially cleaned closet. I still have to clean my bedroom, the living room, kitchen, another bathroom, and entry ways. Plus, I’m going to make a homemade gourmet meal with the children without killing them and do my bills. Can we all laugh together now?

Ladies and Gentleman, this is perfectionism. This is true perfectionism. No one would ever look at my house and say I’m a neat freak. I’ve only been called OCD at work, where I’m in much more control, but at home, if it can’t be perfect, I give up. And when I go to do simple tasks, it takes me hours to complete them because again, I need for it to be perfect. It’s exhausting and years of this has left me with a slew of residual issues. As a widow, doing it by myself, I’m trying to retrain my brain. Because this way of thinking doesn’t serve me. It’s unhealthy.

*This photo was double filtered for my 33 year old self esteem

It was 7pm by the time that I finished my first task of cleaning the first floor, and I still hadn’t gone shopping for the ingredients to our dinner recipe nor had I touched the bills. I knew that if I was going to be able to face you guys and maintain my sanity, then I was also going to have to improvise my list. Everything can be left to interpretation, right? It was already a winning, productive day because my house is clean, but I committed to myself that I’d always complete my to do list this February and see how that would feel. Therefore, my newly interpreted list became:

  • clean first floor of the house (check)
  • make something in the kitchen with the kids (check)
  • Open a few bills (check check)

I could live with this and still write to you without feeling like a cop out.

Here’s what the evening looked like:

We ordered pizza. Made brownies together. And watched a movie, during which I opened a few bills before snuggling with them.

I set myself up for failure with how HUGE my tasks were.

I minimized the time and energy that they would require.

This is something that I have done for decades.

And at what cost? So I can feel horrible about myself? So I can resent those around me because they must know what a disappointment that I am?

I’m not doing that any more.

This is why I started doing this challenge for February. I wanted to poke at a HUGE sensitive spot of mine called: my insane obsession with “To Do” lists (So obsessive, in fact, that my late husband, Scott, sat me down at the beginning of our marriage and told me that the lists were a major problem. He was stone cold serious.)

See, this is not about someone who knows it all, telling others how to do it. This is about someone who is fed up, who is saying, “Something has to be better than this!”; This is about someone who knows nothing and is learning as she goes. And while I’m terrified, I’m also grateful to have your support.

Moving forward, here are some things to keep in mind…

Looking forward to learning with you.

Big Love,

Megan

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Also, Find my work on Love What Matters: Megan Bajorek